James Noel Ward, "Desperately Seeking Conservative Pope" (Taki's Magazine: Cocktails, Countesses & Mental Caviar, February 28, 2013). Exceprts:
Very soon all eyes will turn to Rome and mainstream media will have dissident “Catholics” bloviating away on the boob tube. They will be “very very disappointed” when the cry “Habemus Papam!” is heard and will dejectedly say, “This selection has put the Church back hundreds of years.”[Hat tip to C.B.]
I can’t wait.
The Church is in a state of sloth from suckling on the state’s teat because most Catholic charities around the world are funded by grants, not the faithful. Priests have disappeared from their confessionals and rectories to hang out in louche leather bars. Lawsuits and inner-city decay have bankrupted dioceses around the world. Folks in Europe don’t even pretend the Church exists anymore. So we do not need a black pope, we do not need a pastoral pope, we do not need a friendly pope, and we do not need some smiling old forgettable jackass. We need a son of a bitch pope. We need an unsmiling grumpy old man who says things such as “Get your ass to work on corporal works of mercy or you’ll go to hell” and “Now, therefore, we declare, say, define, and pronounce that for every human creature it is altogether necessary for salvation to be subject to the authority of the Roman pontiff.” If talking-head media libtard gasbags squawk, he can always use the papal form of the old F.U.: “I shall remember you in my intentions at Mass.” (emphasis added)
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