21 Reasons Why People Don't Like Assumption Grotto Church

Fr. Eduard Perrone, "A Pastor's Descant" [Temporary Link] (Assumption Grotto News, June 30, 2019):

21 Reasons Why People Don't Like Assumption Grotto Church
My parting shot before departure in that best month of the year features this light fare as a relief from the ponderous prose usually encountered here.

"I don't like Assumption Grotto Church because ...

• ... the Mass or the singing is in Latin.
• ... they don't shake hands there.
• ... I can't have Communion in my hands.
• ... it's in Detroit, far away from my home.
• ... they don't clap hands in church.
• ... everybody's quiet in church and unfriendly.
• ... their dress code rules out shorts and T shirts.
• ... the priest has his back to us, facing the altar.
• ... they don't have greeters, altar girls, women ministers of Communion, and lectresses.
• ... the priests don't start their sermons with jokes that make us laugh.
• ... there's no "praise music" there.
• ... I miss the guitar and the piano.
• ... their Masses are way too long.
• ... people kneel for Communion.
• ... they use too much incense and ...
• ... there are too many babies too.
• ... saying the rosary after Mass is "over the top."
• ... there's too much kneeling.
• ... they don't have usherettes.
• ... the sermons are too heavy. The priests need to lighten up a little.
• ... the priests don't thank the choir.
• ... the priests don't thank the choir, ushers, teachers, the janitor, etc. after Mass."

You say you've heard others?

Parish improvements. I have made it known that before I retire I want the parish grounds and facilities to be in tiptop shape, ready for takeover by my successor. (this reminds me that soon we ought to start praying for whomever he will be.) For well over a year now we have been making steady, though not always noticeable, progress improving the parish plant. It's usually the case that the more essential and costly things are not obvious to the onlooker, things such as internal repairs and upgrades. Now that many of these have been attended to you'll begin to notice things that meet the eye. Our parish grounds have been steadily improving, and much needed painting will soon commence. Both rectory and church will show their betterment. I know the parking lot and some of the sidewalks are in bad shape. You must allow us time to get around to these. By the time of our August 15 celebration there ought to be marked improvements. Patience! I always have in mind the good order of our parish structures and grounds. I also want our church to be beutiful to honor the Mother of God. She mustn't be disgraced by "Her" parish church being in poor repair or looking drab.

Another reason for wanting to move rapidly with these enhancements is the visit of His Eminence Raymond Cardinal Burke to our parish on October 27 to celebrate a Pontifical Mass. This will be one of the most significant events in the recent history of our parish. I must admonish you, however, not to delay making reservations for the Call to Holiness Conference which is bringing the Cardinal to the parish. Many have already signed up for the Conference, and its attendees will be given preferred to obtain tickets for CTH. (This must sound like those radio commercials that urge their listeners to "act now!")

The happy month of July is upon us when your pastor aestivates, though you will not escape his clutches entirely during that time. Father John will graciously step into the breach to supply what's needed in this controversial, sometimes, disturbing, writing space.

Fr. Perrone

Are traditionalists insane, or do they just have more fun? Or is that a false dichotomy?

[Disclaimer: Rules ##7-9] See for yourself:

Freaking out Darwin

Tom Wolfe, "Freaking out Darwin" (World, September 9, 2017):

In The Kingdom of Speech—a runner-up for WORLD’s 2016 Book of the Year in the Science, Math, and Worldviews category—Tom Wolfe has fun with Darwinism and then linguistic theory. Wolfe sees Charles Darwin as an ambitious but fearful upper-class Brit beaten to the punch on natural selection by the lowly Alfred Russel Wallace, and evolution as a fable for atheists, about as reliable as the Apache belief that the universe began with a ball of dirt from which a scorpion pulled strands that became earth, sun, moon, and stars. (Wolfe calls that “the original version of the current solemnly accepted—i.e., ‘scientific’—big bang theory, which with a straight face tells us how something, i.e., the whole world, was created out of nothing.”) In the excerpt below, courtesy of Little, Brown and Company, Wolfe recounts how Wallace undermined his and Darwin’s “child.” —Marvin Olasky

Read more >>

The comment by Guy Noir - Private Eye: "Tom Wolfe, eviscerated by reviewers but caring less! If I have to pray for the souls of vocal and opinionated non-believers, I'll choose his, even while celebrated Jesuits may cringe!" Amen, brother!

In Cupichianity, Love means never having to say "I believe you [God] exist"!!!

"I can see lots of great Christians with my new glasses!"
Bruvver Eccles, "Do atheists make the best Christians?" (Eccles is saved, August 26, 2017).

Commenting, of course, on the statement in the Chicago Sun Times (August 24, 2017) by Cardinal Cupich, who wrote:

Some of the greatest Christians I know are people who don't actually have a kind of faith system that they believe in. But, in their activity, the way they conduct themselves, there's a goodness there. It might not be articulated in a faith context like my own, but there's a goodness there that is a witness that encourages me.

[Hat tip to JM]

Mainline media plagiarizes Mad magazine: "Dear Time editors: The Kremlin is not a church. Dear CNN politicos: Churches are not mosques"

As Guy Noir - Private Eye observed recently: "Remember when big news weeklies had religion reporters of the caliber of Kenneth Woodward? Instead of twenty-somethings who have never worked a day outside of media in their lives?

"I do, vaguely. It was a time now shrouded in mists, a time when the phrase when 'biased news' was heard but a phrase like 'fake news' would have been laughed at... I have an MA in Journalism. At this juncture in history I view it as pretty much worthless. SAD!"

He then referred to this: Terry Mattingly's "Dear Time editors: The Kremlin is not a church. Dear CNN politicos: Churches are not mosques" (GetReligion, May 18, 2017).

Trivial pursuit (Papal Edition, 2016)

Courtesy of the crazy-quirky blogger over at That the bones you have crushed may thrill (December 1, 2016).


[Hat tip to JM]

Need a little 'pick-me-up'?

Anything got you down? Here's something that might cheer you up. Sort of the opposite of the National Debt Clock. Check it out. You know you've been waiting for this for a LONG time! Click HERE.

If Dad was this easy, would any of us take him seriously?

Jeanne Smits, "French bishop opens door for remarried divorced couples to receive the sacraments" (LifeSiteNews, November 9, 2016).

I know! Maybe we can petition for a reform of the 1983 Code of Canon Law to permit a new canonical status alongside Consecrated Virgins: a Pontifical Institute of Consecrated Divorcées! Who am I to judge? Are there any limits of God's mercy?

Humor: POTUS Trump

The irrepressible Amateur Brain Surgeon, known for his sometimes dark humor, has posted a darkly piece entitled "POTUS Trump. It is a matter of justice." (Mick Jagger gathers no Mosque, October 31, 2016): 

POTUS Trump. It is a matter of justice.

It is a matter of justice that those of us who refuse to vote should end-up with a POTUS who might very well publicly insult some other head of state:

Merkel is a fat ugly idiot.

On a trip to some Latin America country: You call this a country? I’ve see bigger garbage scows, believe me, and I’ll tell you another thing; the garbage scow smelled better.

At a formal White House Dinner: Can we get a high chair for this little Japanese Ambassador? 

because as the national politicians drag us down into Hell, we ought to be able to derive some humorous pleasure out of it, even if it is only a certain form of black humor.

Tridentine chewing gum???

Via Christopher McCarthy on Facebook, this gem:

George Carlin: The Language of Politics (To whom do you think this most readily applies?!)

Via Fr. Z:

Fierce

Reading Peter Wehner's "George Orwell's Fierce Modesty" (First Things, September 7, 2016), our underground correspondent we keep on retainer, Guy Noir - Private Eye, comments:

OK, and I have thought similar thoughts. A needed word.

And Orwell actually wrote a very appreciative review of Frank Sheed's Communism and Man.

But "fierce" modesty? Where on earth did that word come from, and how does it fit at all? "Sober," maybe, "measured," "admirable," "honest," "consistent." But "fierce" ? Sounds like a Bro Country album title.

You know what we really need? A fierce resistance to defaulting to intense words to try pump up our relevance and vitality. I saw a sign for "The Surge Church." We need "robust interior lives." We have to be "Gospel centered," there is the "New" evangelization, and Orwell was "fiercely" modest. It is exhausting enough to make you want to yawn. I know every age has its phrases, but have we peaked and overshot, in an era when new books routinely come out with a page of seven to nine book blurbs hyping a little known author, and even article titles have to have so.... much ... zing!

Was that a Catholic Mass or Protestant Service? Hilarious.

Of course, humour, like alcohol (in vino veritas), always conveys some truth:


"No One At Mass Sure Whether They At Catholic Or Protestant Service" (Eye of the Tiber, September 7, 2016):

Despite efforts to figure whether they were in a Catholic or Protestant service, local parishioners were left baffled after an “animated” man wearing vestments put on a head mic and began pacing back and forth as he delivered his sermon.

“The man looked like a priest and I was quite certain I was in a Catholic Church,” said longtime parishioner Joyce Parlin who had no clue as to what the hell was going on. “But he kept pacing back and forth, ending each statement with a ‘can I get an amen?’ No one was exactly sure what he was asking for. I overheard one gentleman respond, ‘yes, I suppose,’ but the priest or pastor or whatever he was kept desperately asking if he could get more amens.”

Parlin went on to add that the priest or pastor or whatever the heck he was continually used words like “fellowship” and “ministry” during his sermon, words, Parlin admitted, she had never heard before.

“He also used the phrase ‘saved by the Blood of the Lamb,’ which I suppose is some sort of Christian take on the TV show ‘Saved by the Bell.’ Hell, I don’t know.”

At press time, the band has begun singing praise a worship as beach balls are being thrown to and fro, confirming that the event is a Life Teen Mass.

[Hat tip to Fr. Z]

Hillary's Hammer ...

Amateur Brain Surgeon, "Hillary's Hammer" (Mick Jagger gathers no Moss, September 5, 2016). Referencing this bit of news, ABS offers the following delightful little ditty, a parody of Peter, Paul and Mary's once beloved ballad, "If I Had a Hammer":

Hill had a hammer,
She hammered in the morning,
She hammered in the evening,
Avoided taking the stand;
She hammered out evidence,
She hammered out guilt,
She hammered out the lawlessness between,
Her cash for access with Dictators and Sheiks
All over all land.

If I had a bell,
I'd put it on that cow,
It'd ring it in the evening
, All over this land,
It'd ring out danger,
I'td ring out a warning,
It'd ring out love between,
Conspirators and collectivists,
All over all land.

If I had a song
I'd sing it in the morning
I'd sing it in the evening
all over this land
I'd sing out danger
I'd sing out a warning
I'd sing out a conspiracy between Commies
and the libs all over all land

Well, Hill’s got a hammer
Hill's got a bell
and she had access to sell
all over all lands;
It's the hammer of no jail
It's the bell of more cash;
It's a song about access deals between State
and dictators

in forlorn foreign lands

Cannot... Make... This stuff... Up...!

"Take a Break: A Remnant Photo Caption Contest" (Remnant, August 31, 2016).


[Hat tip to JM]

When Vatican gender politics has you feelin' weary, just crank up some of these tunes and pour yourself a good Cabernet

In particular, listen to this version of "Delta Dong," by Tanya Tucker with the new lyrics provided by our indefatigable Amateur Brain Surgeon in "Controversy erupts as Vatican considers accepting female to male seminarians [sic]" (Mick Jagger gathers no Mosque, August 15, 2016).

It's enough to make a tear come to your eye, ain't it ...

A decade plus of apostolates ...

Steve Skojec has this interesting account of the demise of the Catholic blogosphere, entitled "Austin Ruse on the Catholic Toxosphere" (1P5, July 15, 2016), based on an article by Austin Ruse in Crisis Magazine.

The main thing I like, however, is this adorable photo of our friend, Mark Shea. Who could possibly NOT admire it?!

[Hat tip to JM]

Quotable quotes ...

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." -- W.C. Fields

"Anti-Catholicism is as American as Thanksgiving, apple pie à la mode, and chocolate malts with two butter cookies. It has been part of American culture from the very beginning and ... it persists even today." -- Andrew Greeley

"Mercy without justice is the mother of dissolution; justice without mercy is cruelty." -- St. Thomas Aquinas

"Serving God does not give us the same kind of here-and-now pleasure that sin gives. To eyes as little trained to reality as ours, there is a color and energy in sin, by comparison with which virtues look pallid and half-alive." -- Frank Sheed

“Peter has no need of our lies or flattery. Those who blindly and indiscriminately defend every decision of the Supreme Pontiff are the very ones who do most to undermine the authority of the Holy See—they destroy instead of strengthening its foundations” -- Fr. Melchior Cano O.P., Bishop and Theologian of the Council of Trent.

[Hat tip to NOR, ST, JM, SS]

My favorite Catholic theologian

[Source]

Absolutely HILARIOUS!

Watch the video, "That's Very Nice," about Fr. Nice in the Diocese of Nice and all his Nice parishioners. Michael Voris actually loses it and they have to do several re-takes, all shown in the video.