Pick your headline

• Obama appears in toga with band playing "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine in"
  
• New day dawns for Americans as President elect announces first 5-year plan
  
• White Dems celebrate own liberalism in electing first black president: Biden says some of his best friends black
  
• President elect discovered to have no record of gainful employment prior to 143 days as Senator
  
• George Cloony tapped for Secretary of State
  
• Oprah Winfrey gets nod for Secretary of Interior
  
• Barbara Streisand nixed for Senate Chaplain; Obama rumored to prefer Hillary
  
• DNC praises MSNBC, CNN for running "magisterial" campaign
  
• Affirmative action liberals euphoric after electing president with no qualifications
  
• Hollywood psychiatrists file for unemployment as hundreds of manic clients opt out of counseling
  
• Michelle: Barack honed speaking gifts as panhandler on Chicago South Side
  
• Berlin voting precincts report 98% for Obama
  
• Jubilant Charlie Gibson: Election proves end of racism
  
• European Parliament meets to OK electoral votes for US election
  
• Obama fetes "right thinking Americans" for victory
  
• 'Final Solution' funding guaranteed, as thousands of unborn Americans slated for Planned Parenthood death camps
  
• Human-Pig embryonic stem cell research receives green light
  
• Colin Powell nixes Farrakhan cabinet suggestion as "too radical"
  
• Jessie Jackson joins Republicans
  
• German film maker offers Obama contract for remake of 1979 Peter Sellars film, Being There
  
• Rush Limbaugh opens Swiss Bank account, seeks asylum in New Zealand