Pope to replace Pallium with Pumpkin

In a post reminiscent of The Onion, I Am Not Spartacus "reports" (August 2, 2013):

Pope Francis, a well known lover of the poor, announced today that he would be replacing the Pallium with a hollowed-out Pumpkin.

Here is a photo of the peculiar Pontiff after he just bestowed The Pallium on Archbishop Alexander Sample.


In explaining his decision, the plucky Pontiff observed:

Sure, it was originally reserved to the Pope alone as it was a symbol of the Pope's office and power but because I eschew the office of the Papacy - I am but a simple Bishop of Rome - and because absolute power corrupts absolutely, I have decided to extinguish the use of the Pallium because, come on, it is just a symbol, right?

In the future, I will be placing on the heads of Archbishops a well-carved, hollowed-out, Pumpkin - one with a smiley face - as a symbol of our unity in humility and human dignity; and, it is undeniable that our connection to the poor who grow pumpkins is somewhat strengthened if not confusing to the campesinos; whatever.

I end this conference by showing everyone a suggested model pumpkin carved by one of the wiccans, um, Sisters of the Leadership Conference of Religious Women.